Have you ever heard someone say, “why do I keep attracting the same type of man or woman?” It’s not meant in a complimentary way, but more of a frustrating manner. You may not even be aware that you are a magnet for certain types of people based on your dating pathology; however, every time you look up you are dating someone similar to the person you just stopped dating. If you’re only focusing on the superficial aspects of those individuals that you are meeting, this could be a big part of your problem.
Let’s talk briefly about some habits that may be hindering your progress with finding the “best selection” for your life’s romantic journey.
First, do you have a written or unwritten list of must haves? The top of the list consists of important character traits like honesty, respect, integrity, work ethic and things of this nature. These are non-negotiable items or deal breakers that would be important no matter who you meet. Further down the list are more superficial items such as tall, dark, handsome, rich, bad-boy, voluptuous beauty and so on. These are far less important unless you are a real straight shooter for what you must have in this life to be happy.
You know better than anyone how your list is constructed, and you also know where you are willing to flex a little, here and there. Whereby structure is good to have and standards should be established by the best of us, it’s more important to keep your list realistic especially with the superficial stuff.
A man that’s tall, dark and handsome, yet very abusive does not a good companion make. A voluptuous sexy woman who is equally promiscuous is not one to write home about, either. So, the exterior of one’s being is just that, the exterior. It has nothing to do with the really important characteristics of a person’s inner self whose greater desire is to make his or her love interest feel safe, protected, cared for, adored and all the other good things that you would want in a relationship.
Your prospect may not be drop-dead gorgeous, but he or she can become so much more attractive because of the love demonstrated toward you. Opposites can and do attract, and with time a person who lacks some of the physical attributes you have listed, can suddenly exude beauty that only you can appreciate. Ultimately, what you are doing is breaking old habits that have been keeping you from getting the love you want.
Secondly, do you have a clear understanding of who you are and what you bring to a relationship? We’re not talking delusions of grandeur here, but a healthy dose of the truth.
For example, while looking in the mirror, you somehow envision Muscular Mike when in reality the reflection is more like Mushy Milton. Are you really about to brag to your new love interest about going to the gym five days a week? Seriously? Or, you tell a man when you first meet him that visiting your home is off limits until much further down the road with the best intentions of making good on that statement, you fall short. The guy is so charming and smooth that you throw caution to the wind and break your own rules. Now, you’re less credible than before you spoke these words, and if he’s a player, it’s open season with Ms. Fickle.
Granted, this is merely a small sample of the undefined self that we unleash to the world everyday in search of love. We must take time to self-examine and determine the areas where we are doing well while working on areas where change is definitely needed. When we self-assess with honesty and a willingness to acknowledge shortcomings, we will begin to experience growth and maturity in our relationships. It’s so refreshing to be able to say “I remember when I use to do this crazy thing or that weird thing, but I don’t anymore.” That’s change! You know the adage well, “insanity is doing something the same way over and over expecting a different result.” You’ve got to shake this thing up and make some changes to get the love you want, right?
Can you think of a time that you distorted reality to get some love in your life? How did that work out?