In Part I of Unhealthy Love, we talked about codependency and relationship addiction. Hopefully, the article was enlightening or at least got your thought processes turned on regarding this issue.
Next, we’ll talk about “hangry” people and the damage they cause to themselves and others.
First, let’s define hangry. It’s simply being hungry, thirsty, desperate and manipulative regarding intimate relationships while being angry because no one quite measures up to the “ideal person” that they’re looking for. Therefore, settling for sexual experiences with people they would not ordinarily date only makes them angrier.
The big question is: Why are they doing this? It’s more than likely done because they have doubts about their future and getting the love they really want. The problem with the hangry man or woman is the lack of faith and belief for a better pairing while they wait. So, over and over, the choice is made to indulge in whoever is available for now which is a huge mistake.
Pretending that you are hanging out with Mr. or Miss Right will quickly get on your nerves because it’s done from such a selfish place. Really, you don’t care much for the person and all you really want is to scratch an itch, however, you do it under the pretense of a romantic interest. Once you’ve accomplished your goal, you’re ready to say goodnight. Let me ask, how do you get something good out of something bad? Using someone is bad no matter what is involved. But, when you’re using someone’s body for your convenience and pleasure, it is a real low point. Someone usually gets hurt or wakes up after enough of this insanity.
If you really want to be honest, the actions of the hangry and prostitution are somewhat related. With prostitution, there is no pretense required since you know why you are there. The hangry pay for a service in some form like taking someone out for a meal or cooking them a big dinner, spending money on an event or taking a trip as the payoff. Of course, the hope is that the payoff will come and you will feel better afterward. This is a cheap form of prostitution, but I’ve heard worse.
There is no emotional or intimate connection for these close encounters – just sheer desperation. Desperation usually turns into frustration. After you’ve used your fake love interest, you want them to leave or disappear, right? But, because you came together under pretense, the love interest doesn’t understand your underlying motives and wants to linger and run his or her fingers through your hair, quote poetry, or talk about a future with the person lying next to them. “Cut” as they say in the movie business. This scene is not working and neither is wasting your time this way. Get the picture?
How do you derive healthy love out of this crap? You can’t. You keep getting “hangrier, and hangrier and hangrier” with each episode. At some point, you will put on the brakes because the frustration will eventually get to you as it should.
If you are a halfway decent person, living hangry is not for you. Right about now, you will require a complete overhaul and some serious soul searching to rid yourself of this lifestyle. But you can do it once you get sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Let’s face it, many people have chips on their shoulders after enduring relationships that have left bad tastes in their mouths and bad dispositions in their spirits. But hanging out with people who don’t matter to you in a special way is not going to solve the problem. The dream of satisfying that longing for an emotionally healthy relationship eludes you for now. Nevertheless, you must save yourself for your future with that “ideal” mate. He or she will show up when you least expect it. For now, get involved in other things that you have omitted until that time.
Sometimes, it’s hard to tell if it’s society’s pressure that we must be in a relationship that causes individuals to run amok in their quest for love, or if we have put too much pressure on ourselves. Either way, we must begin to make sense of our journey on a personal level without attempting to live up to the expectations of others. At best, we must be living and fulfilling our best lives on our own terms. Most importantly, live in a way that honors you, not demeans you. Would you really want to reap what you’ve sown with regards to using people for your own selfish needs? I don’t think so.
Make the leap to get rid of desperate and insensitive methods for intimate relationships. There are no shortcuts to a solid relationship and everyone you meet cannot be that special person. “Anything worth having is worth waiting for.” So, don’t substitute “fake” relationships for the real thing.
In closing, turn your hanger in happiness. Start by celebrating you and all the good things that you will bring to “table” of your future love!!!