Unhealthy Love Part IV – Have a “Self” to Share with Others

Some people don’t know who they are which is unfortunate. How do you start a relationship if there is nothing relatable about you to share? Have you ever met a person and all he or she could say when you asked a question about them was “I don’t really know” or even worse they hunched their shoulders like a five-year-old who doesn’t have a clue?

Needless to say, this is not a good look for a fully grown adult. As a matter of fact, it’s probably a bit of a turnoff. However, it’s more common than you think. People are busy making a living and taking care of their careers to the point that they do not have much time to invest in developing their personal selves. This scenario does not represent that of a balanced life and it begins to become more evident as individuals continue to date and people lose interest in them almost immediately. Could this be because they don’t bring sufficient information and self-awareness to the new relationship?

So, what usually happens is people become chameleons. They just adapt to the person that they are hanging out with. If the new person is a clubber, then you become a clubber. If the new person is frisky and carefree, so are you. If the new person smokes marijuana, then you do, too. You can already see that there is something seriously wrong with this picture. It’s like the movie, “Runaway Bride.” Julia Roberts plays this bride-to-be with cold feet. She gets engaged four times and manages to call off the wedding ceremonies in each case during the wedding. Further, she decides that she likes her eggs just like all her fiancees which could not possibly be true. In the end, she had to face the truth and begin to define who she was and what she really and truly desired in all areas of her life. Even though it’s a movie, it presents a great point for those who care to take note.

Being true to oneself is the gift that keeps on giving. When you know who you are, you’re not out there trying to find a self with everyone you encounter. You are more than ready to let a new love interest know who you are, what you enjoy and a few of your dreams for the future.

Of course, you shouldn’t reveal all this information right away, but over time and once trust has developed between the two of you. It’s really the only way to know if someone cares about you just the way you are. After all, being loved unconditionally is awesome, but when the person of your affection is more than satisfied with your being who you are – now we’ve potentially got a keeper.

Knowing yourself – the whole kit and caboodle, speaks volumes to the world. It happens over time by spending quiet moments reflecting and meditating on a spiritual plane; through reading and obtaining knowledge from powerful passages of wisdom and inspiration; and, finally, by trial and error, we learn who we are, what we want and where we are going through experiences encountered along the way.

People gravitate to confident, self-assured individuals who are not trying to emulate others but allow their uniqueness to shine like the sunlight. Every person on this planet is uniquely created to share qualities of his or herself with the world. Don’t be afraid to display your awesome gifts and creativity. Most importantly, whatever you do, be yourself. Don’t become a chameleon in constant need of adapting to every new environment (male or female) that you encounter!!

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2 thoughts on “Unhealthy Love Part IV – Have a “Self” to Share with Others

  1. I absolutely LOVED THIS & NEEDED THIS 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻😍😍😍 What’s your advice on being true to yourself if you struggle with being codependent or a people-pleaser?

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    1. First, thank you for your post, C. Every person should endeavor to keep things honest with and about themselves. If you lie to yourself, you’ll only lie to others. We must do relationships on a clean slate so that the end result is pure and beautiful. It’s unfortunate so many want relationships with others but have not cultivated one with themselves. Filling up your days and evenings with activities will not rectify your lack of desire to spend time with God and yourself. Meditation and reflection are most needed in all our lives. We must thoroughly think through our hopes and dreams before we can articulate those things to a love interest. We undermine that people think deep and critically while listening to your words about yourself. If the words don’t line up with the actions you’ve just been busted. Liar, liar, pants on fire!!! I say all this to say stop being a co-dependent and be independent in thoughts and actions. The same goes for people pleasing. Stand for something or you will fall for anything. If a man or woman is looking for someone with a strong and independent spirit, you will only get overlooked or left behind being too needy (codependent) or a people pleaser (fickle, doormat type, no brains). Who would want to be accused of being either of these? Pray for a major change in your inner person. Most of all pray that God will deliver you from fear which most of this is predicated on.

      Best to you, C.

      Liked by 1 person

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