In a perfect world, we should be learning, growing and getting wiser with each relationship. The downside of not taking notes, learning the lessons and revamping your relationship strategies is best summarized by the following quote: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”.
Let’s face it, whatever you’ve done to date, has not worked. So, if you don’t change your approach or shake things up a little, why would you expect the next relationship to be the “one?” Taking into account that you are still out there looking, obviously, you’re either attracting the wrong people or you’re investing too much time with people who are not going in the same direction that you are. Either way, these two choices are not working and you owe it to yourself to replay some of your past relationships to determine how you keep getting off track.
Now, the most important thing here is owning your specific issues with dating while giving the guys or girls from your past a pass. They only got into your space because you allowed them to get in. So, you want to stop that first, right?
As you contemplate putting stronger boundaries in place for people who don’t fit your vision from the very start as opposed to prolonged dating, are you often reluctant to assert yourself in this area? No worries. This is normal if you’ve always dated a certain way. You’re experiencing a little anxiety that comes with breaking bad habits. It takes about 21 days to break a habit, but hopefully, it won’t take 21 relationships for you to change your trajectory. Time and practice are your keys for change. So, be kind to yourself as you learn how to make the shift from insanity while honoring your priorities and needs over that of being in the company of dark, handsome men or exotically beautiful women.
As you rid yourself of one more unhealthy practice in your dating life, things should feel better. This is the freedom that comes with staying true to yourself regardless of what’s going on the world. You’re driving your car, now, and not letting others take the wheel because if you’re going to get to that “destination” you’ve always dreamed about, only you can get there. As an addition to your already awesome life, you will only allow the person into your life. Others will not value your uniqueness like that individual who shares your vision for the journey. Get it!! You are a rare jewel, a one of a kind shiny car that should be cherished, but not abused or mistreated. The individual that ultimately gets this jewel or shiny car must:
1. earn your interest through hard work – Get to know you by taking time to develop a friendship;
2. diligence – Put some effort and attention into knowing you and gaining your trust; and
3. make it official – If you two are in agreement, get married and start your journey.
There are many tough customers out there who will continue to walk into brick walls which they’ve chosen to do instead of waking up. After all, life is all about choices. So, if you are still chasing “ghost relationships” please consider putting an end to that craziness.
If nothing else, keep in mind that if you’re chasing someone who isn’t chasing you, save that energy. It can be tough out there, but you can win if you try a better way. It’s up to you to find out what that looks like.