Unhealthy Love Part VI – “Learn from Your Past”

In a perfect world, we should be learning, growing and getting wiser with each relationship. The downside of not taking notes, learning the lessons and revamping your relationship strategies is best summarized by the following quote: “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”.

Let’s face it, whatever you’ve done to date, has not worked. So, if you don’t change your approach or shake things up a little, why would you expect the next relationship to be the “one?” Taking into account that you are still out there looking, obviously, you’re either attracting the wrong people or you’re investing too much time with people who are not going in the same direction that you are. Either way, these two choices are not working and you owe it to yourself to replay some of your past relationships to determine how you keep getting off track.

Now, the most important thing here is owning your specific issues with dating while giving the guys or girls from your past a pass. They only got into your space because you allowed them to get in. So, you want to stop that first, right?

As you contemplate putting stronger boundaries in place for people who don’t fit your vision from the very start as opposed to prolonged dating, are you often reluctant to assert yourself in this area? No worries. This is normal if you’ve always dated a certain way. You’re experiencing a little anxiety that comes with breaking bad habits. It takes about 21 days to break a habit, but hopefully, it won’t take 21 relationships for you to change your trajectory. Time and practice are your keys for change. So, be kind to yourself as you learn how to make the shift from insanity while honoring your priorities and needs over that of being in the company of dark, handsome men or exotically beautiful women.

As you rid yourself of one more unhealthy practice in your dating life, things should feel better. This is the freedom that comes with staying true to yourself regardless of what’s going on the world. You’re driving your car, now, and not letting others take the wheel because if you’re going to get to that “destination” you’ve always dreamed about, only you can get there. As an addition to your already awesome life, you will only allow the person into your life. Others will not value your uniqueness like that individual who shares your vision for the journey. Get it!! You are a rare jewel, a one of a kind shiny car that should be cherished, but not abused or mistreated. The individual that ultimately gets this jewel or shiny car must:

1. earn your interest through hard work – Get to know you by taking time to develop a friendship;

2. diligence – Put some effort and attention into knowing you and gaining your trust; and

3. make it official – If you two are in agreement, get married and start your journey.

There are many tough customers out there who will continue to walk into brick walls which they’ve chosen to do instead of waking up. After all, life is all about choices. So, if you are still chasing “ghost relationships” please consider putting an end to that craziness.

If nothing else, keep in mind that if you’re chasing someone who isn’t chasing you, save that energy. It can be tough out there, but you can win if you try a better way. It’s up to you to find out what that looks like.



5 thoughts on “Unhealthy Love Part VI – “Learn from Your Past”

  1. Hi Jvenable18,
    Thank you! Great content! Insanity is definitely what it looks and feels like when you are involved in multiple relationships while receiving the same results or perhaps worse results the next time. One of the most important factors to breaking the relationship insanity cycle is self accountability. After multiple so called or faux relationships and or bad dating experiences, I decided to evaluate the” whys and how” this cycle was occurring. The root cause was me. I allowed these men in my space and did not 1. set boundaries or expectations or 2,. prolonged dating situations that should have ended after the first conversation because we had nothing in common or did not respect any of my boundaries. Taking the time to develop a true sense of self worth helped me decide what I really needed and wanted in a mate and in a real long term relationship. No more ghost or faux relationships for me! I agree that time and practice are keys for change. For me, prayer, God’ guidance and discernment were also key components in getting and staying off the insanity train.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. What are some basic, practical steps to take to develop a friendship with a potential mate? It sounds like it would mean going out on dates but going Dutch to avoid any confusion & not holding hands or kissing to also avoid any confusion early on. I want to make sure if that’s right though.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s nice that you want to pay your way on the first or second date. However, if you are in the market for a real man and a husband, let him do as much for you as possible. If he is in between low paying to better employment (which you really don’t know), decide if this is the way you want to start a relationship. The way you begin a thing is the way it goes from then on. Be careful about sending the wrong messages from day one. Hold off on all physical things until much later. A hot delicious kiss could lead to hot delicious sex. Is that what you want? Know your limitations and remain firm. A woman of standards will attract the right man for her. Best to you, C.

      Liked by 1 person

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