“I saw her walk through the door and immediately I knew I had met my wife.”
“As he worked on my damaged garage door, my heart began to beat so rapidly that I thought I would faint. I can’t stop looking at him or thinking about him.”
“Okay, Linda keeps calling me and I’m trying to get over Tina. Maybe we’ll give it a try to see if I can get Tina out of my head. After all, Linda is rather shapely and attractive which would really make Tina jealous, hee-hee-hee.”
Pretty much everyone wants love in his or her life. Many will go through great extremes to make sure that some form of love is always around. The question is “Is it really love that you are experiencing or something else?” How do you know when it’s love, lust, obsession, or a rebound relationship? Men and women are too quick with labeling certain feelings and emotions under the category of “LOVE.” It’s understandable, but sometimes the assessment is totally wrong.
Real love develops over time and is a journey versus a fly-by-night event. Trust and intimacy, two byproducts of love, are earned through a slow simmer so that all the flavors are evident in the final dish.
When the butterflies and infatuation disappear, people often give up on their relationships. But true love is the commitment and even the discipline that contributes to the relationship’s survival. We’re not talking about the romantic type of love even though romance is a great ingredient for love. But true love endures even when the romance has gone dormant. We’re talking about love built on a solid foundation and strong enough to endure many storms. In spite of the physical and emotional challenges, you’re stuck like Chuck and not even thinking about leaving your mate.
The examples you read in the first three paragraphs may eventually become love, but for now we’ll call them what they really are.
First, we have lust which is such a strong feeling that you just want to hurry up and give it the name “love.” It’s not! It is an intense and sudden attraction to somebody you hardly know. The attraction starts out with a “BAM” and you’re suddenly knocked out from a blow you never saw coming. Don’t worry. Short of a miracle, if this person lacks good conversation or possesses standards that you value they will be toast in no time at all.
Lust feels like love because it consumes you. You are mesmerized without really understanding why. You’re on cloud 45 and it doesn’t seem like you’ll be coming down in this lifetime. But lust is really a fantasy whereby you want to be with this person every second of every day. Unfortunately, lust happens early in the relationship before much is known about the two individuals. Once the electricity wanes, the relationship has a short shelf life because physical attraction alone will never be the glue for a solid relationship.
Second, there is obsession. Obsession occurs when you meet someone that you like and you can’t stop thinking about them. Women may start planning their “mental” weddings while men imagine all kinds of ways that their luck has changed with this “movie star” on their arm. Obsession is usually a total mind concept, not a reality. Most things desired from the object of your obsession will never happen which makes dwelling on them more intense.
Of course, this is not healthy and certainly one-sided. The dependency that evolves from obsession keeps the obsessor on a leash while the obsessee is rarely aware of the other person’s existence. This is a sad situation and must be dealt with. After all, you deserve some real love.
Last, but not least, is the rebound relationship. It is usually a band aid for some previously failed relationship. The rebounder starts a new relationship very quickly with someone new to help get over an old love. Rebound relationships are not about love, but a way for the rebounder to avoid loneliness.
The two individuals participating very much want this relationship to be love, but as stated earlier, true love takes time. The rebounder basically needs the security of being part of a couple and finds life unbearable without it. They are not over the old love, but will work hard with the new person to bring about some magic. Over time, the relationship may gel. But more often, the rebounder emerges stronger with time and realizes that he or she is really not in love and is ready to move on.
Like anything else, make the best choice for you when and if you decide to date the rebounder. Some individuals love themselves too much to be a part of a rescue squad. Others will take a chance and hope that the individual will recognize that they have met a really good person in due time. Good luck with that.
Hopefully, this article has tickled your thoughts about your current situation. It is exciting if you two have truly found love. But if you haven’t, that’s okay. Just exercise care and settle for nothing less than true love!!!