Fear and Insecurities – Relationship Killers or Not


Insecurity is defined as an uncertainty or anxiety about oneself. You essentially lack confidence about various things. Feeling insecure from time to time is normal. Until those things that cause your insecurities are addressed, they will be much like background noise until resolved.

So, how do we rid ourselves of insecurity? We must get rid of fear. Fear is defined as an unpleasant emotion caused by the belief that someone or something is dangerous, likely to cause pain, or a threat. Fear is at the core of our insecurities. We want to know what will happen within the next relationship which creates anxiety. Try to breathe or find ways to calm yourself to alleviate some of the anxiety and fear.

It’s easy to see how meeting someone new could cause fear because you don’t know how it’s going to go. Will it be another one nighter or will it lead to something more meaningful? The pressure that we put on ourselves mentally can sometimes far outweigh the actual event. If we could just let life happen to some degree, that would help a little, but may be easier said than done. Let’s look at the process of ridding ourselves of insecurities and fears about relationships.

As we mature into our 20s and 30s, we evolve through experiences and wisdom gained by meeting different individuals. Some of the anxiety of days gone by begins to diminish. By the time we reach our 40s and 50s, we are more self-assured because we’ve finally figured out what really is and is not important when selecting a partner. Anything beyond this point, who cares what anybody thinks?

This is just an illustration of how we become better with time regarding relationship choices, nervousness, and insecurities about people and what they can potentially do to our worlds. We’re prone to be less critical of ourselves and others which calms the dating waters. In addition, our dating radar is drastically improved.

This completely flips the script of earlier years when estrogen and testosterone are at their peak. So, we sweat and become extremely anxious and scatter brained about our relationships. We might even sabotage relationships to prevent potential heartbreak later. This is simply fear.

In truth, our lack of experience and good feelings about ourselves cause our insecurities. We have heard women and men, alike, compare their looks to that of other men and women including movie stars and other celebrities. Why do we do this? It’s seems that we can’t be okay with the skin we’re in. Our hips are too big, our stomach is not quite a 12-pack, or our hair is not incredibly sexy – you know the list. It’s as if we need one more problem to drive us insane; so, we go and find one that is too gigantic to solve.

Insecurity creates frenzy, anger, awkwardness, discomfort, side-eyes, rolling necks and even the silent treatment on the short list. Jealousy and a whole series of other negative attributes can spiral out of this uncertainty and lack of comfort with oneself unless the work is done to decrease it substantially. There are support groups, private therapy, meditation and prayer available to overcome deeper insecurities that don’t seem to get better with time and run the risks of ending your relationships. After all you still want love in your life, but in a healthy way.

It’s not impossible to have a relationship with someone given these concerns if the individual cares genuinely about you and can see past your outwardly nervous exterior. There are those individuals who are extremely intuitive and can see that gentle soul underneath all the anxiety.

However on the flip side, there are those predators who prey on weak and insecure individuals taking advantage of their tender dispositions. That’s why it’s important to move forward with caution in your relationships with the support of your family and/or friends.

In closing, remember what drove you mad in your younger days will gradually change with time. That’s something to look forward to if you’re in the throws of insecurity, anxiety and fear. After a failed relationship here and there, you’ll begin to lighten up and understand that all relationships aren’t meant to be. And, with all your imperfections, you find that you can laugh at yourself and your flaws. Guess what? The person who loves you will feel the same way. He’ll love that crooked nose or she’ll adore that little pooch. Doesn’t that sound good? To be accepted just as you are is the pinnacle of a great relationship. Learn to relax and enjoy your life with those who embrace all that you are just the way you are!!

You are beautiful!!!

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2 thoughts on “Fear and Insecurities – Relationship Killers or Not

  1. This made me tear up πŸ‘πŸ» I have found it to be true that learning from past failed relationships is helpful. I also believe in therapy as an option to get one-on-one specialized help for your particular issues. We’re all a work in progress! This was a comforting read for me, thanks as always πŸ™πŸ»πŸ™ŒπŸ»β™₯️

    Liked by 1 person

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