Spying? Really?

You’ve been on edge. It’s been 48 hours since you heard from your love. What could be going on? You don’t want to come off as a nag; so, you decide to do a drive by to make sure nothing that would be your equivalent to betrayal is taking place.

So, off you go into the night. Once you get on the street, you turn off your lights. You ease by and see only one car in the driveway and decide it’s safe to breathe. What was this really all about? Do you have trust issues?

Many people who date assume some exclusivity with their mate based on the amount of time they spend together. Neither wants to officially say from their lips that “it’s you and me baby against the world.” If there is no firm commitment, why are you spying on this person? Do you want a committed relationship but fear asking because that idea might be rejected? Then, you have a whole slew of issues going on here.

First, is this person happy with just dating you and how long have you been dating? Has this person indicated that they are looking for the one and you have assigned yourself this position? One thing for sure, both people should sign on for the commitment. If you detect that your love interest is moon walking away from the proposition, don’t push. Use your intuition and position yourself properly. There should be indicators to move forward or continue looking for a better match. Whatever you do, don’t make demands or start a screaming match. Both are usually counterproductive.

It’s strange that once people become familiar with each other, they began to build a stronger attachment and an unspoken future together. But, communication and understanding must be clear. Let’s say you’re over 25. Then, you need to do more reality checks versus wishing on a star. One of you may not be ready and that may be a bummer, however, great information for making a good decision about staying or leaving. But after substantial time together, questions must be asked no matter what the result. The bottom line is even if the relationship is a go for both of you, spying is a major indicator of trust issues. Without trust, you cannot build a strong relationship.

Perhaps you have legitimate reasons to suspect your current love interest of cheating if you’ve already experienced this once or twice. But, if you really don’t have a commitment, you’re just dating. This person can see whomever they want aside from you, and it’s fair. I’ll reiterate, there is no commitment. If you find this repulsive, your best bet is to move on and get the type of relationship you really want.

Secondly, if you are in a committed relationship, but still find yourself having underlying trust issues, that needs to be addressed. Fumbling through pants and coat pockets, peeking into cell phones or online activity is a bad look for a committed relationship. You could actually drive away a good person with your suspicions and overactive imagination. Actually, this type of activity mirrors what’s going on inside of you. If your relationship history is laden with cheating men or women, you’ll have difficulty believing anyone. Or, maybe you’ve been the one who always cheated and you’re now looking for karma to make an appearance. Given your extreme anxiety and inability to accept your good fortune, you may miss out on all the goodness in this person who is right there with you no matter what you’ve experienced in the past.

Before you start all this spying activity, ask yourself what type of relationship are you in? Is it a new relationship where you are trying to get to know each other or is it a committed relationship where communication is alive and well? Either way, you can be sure that if you’re spying, bring this activity to an end. Trust is powerful and it’s a relationship builder far more positive than any spying expedition.

Best to you!!

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One thought on “Spying? Really?

  1. Hi Jvenable18! My stance on spying is when you go spying on your mate/partner, you will find mostly likely find something you really do not want to know exist or is going on. Drive by’s to homes, looking through their phones, emails and social media is a huge waste of time. Whether there is a firm commitment with the title with you and your mate or you and your mate have agreed that you are exclusive and not dating anyone else, your mate could still be deceitful. Using your intuition and discernment is key in handling these situations. Making excuses for his/her deceit in the beginning will only become worse going forward. It is best that you moon walk out the situation very fast. The best commited relationship is with yourself. Love yourself, date yourself, be the “one” you have been waiting for.

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