So, we’re in the wedding season and it’s only appropriate that we continue our conversation about marriage in all its honor, joy, and challenges.
As mentioned previously, everyone who desires marriage should make sure that they have a clear understanding of the complexities of coexisting with another individual. Pre-knowledge is worth it’s weight in gold. Some wedding ceremonies have been called off when one or both individuals realized that something wasn’t right as they were getting ready to make this commitment. Hats off to them because the alternative could easily be a divorce in three, five or ten years down the line. Your “instincts” will always let you know when something is not right, or that the decision needs more investigation.
So, what I’d like to talk about today is the top three reasons people get divorced or separated: Communication, finances and sex. These three issues can be adversaries in your marriage if both people aren’t on the same page. Let’s look closer.
Communication can be demonstrated in many forms. It’s not always what’s spoken orally, but can also be actions carried out within the marriage.
- What are your sexual expectations?
- Are you a talker and he or she more on the quiet side?
- When disagreements occur, do you work through to a resolution or retreat in anger?
- Is your mate supportive of your present and future career goals or will this cause problems?
- Will you make decisions about large purchases (i.e. cars, motorcycles, timeshares) together or does it really matter?
- Are you a constant swearer and how does this affect your spouse?
- How will you raise your children?
- What faith are you?
This list is not conclusive, but just an eye-opener. You may also notice that sexual and financial matters are greatly intertwined with communication. If you have a pastor or premarital counselor who could moderate these discussions, it would be a great idea. With matters of the heart, people are not as objective, and if marriage is that shiny trophy you’ve always wanted, then you will not discern these matters as clearly as a neutral party.
Next, finances can create so many issues within a marriage.
- How does your mate deal with budgeting, saving, spending, waiting, or sharing when it comes to money?
- Does he or she have family members who are always needing money?
- How will you handle these requests?
- How much will you spend on birthday and holiday gifts if you’re part of an extended family?
- What will your retirement funds look like and how will you put those aside?
- Will you each have money for yourselves aside from the primary family account?
- Will it be her money and his money?
Please don’t let the butterflies of the moment cause you to dismiss common sense. These questions and more will help you to understand what potentially lies ahead.
Finally, we have sex. The Bible tells us that “marriage is honorable and the bed undefiled.” This suggests that if a man and woman joined in marriage desire to try different things in the privacy of their bedroom, that’s their business. Nothing is off limits if the two are in agreement.
However, two cannot be in agreement that a third and fourth party can join the activities. Today’s morals always try to push the envelope by suggesting ways that you can have sex and it still be considered okay. Stay woke and don’t fall for this crap. Keep your marriage sacred and protected from outside forces. You don’t need a nanny with a mini skirt in the home taking care of your children no matter how much you trust your husband. Stay at home wives don’t need shirtless, Muscle Jim running around the backyard with hedge cutters and asking for water while the man of the house is away.
Of course, I cannot leave out my previous discussion about women and men withholding sex from their mate. Unless your spouse is critically ill or has been in a life changing accident, sexual duties are always on the table. Women submit yourselves to your husbands and husbands to your wives… You’re not dating anymore.
That’s what so deceptive for so many. People can’t seem to get enough sex when they are dating. They are hungry as a bear. But, once they’ve said “I do”, things seem to change. It’s a situation where you’ve captured your prey, eaten sufficiently and suddenly you’re not as hungry as you were “back then.” Interesting, huh? Regardless, you’ve said “I do” now get to work!
Of course, there are times in the man’s or woman’s life where the libido may dwindle, but there are medical cures for this. There are even natural remedies for these matters which should keep you moving right along. Most importantly, let your spouse share this issue with you. Don’t shut them out.
Hopefully, this article has been enlightening and a bit humorous. The bigger issue is will we operate in our reality versus our dreams. Too many times we desire the result that we want to our detriment. “An ounce of caution is worth a pound of cure.” Take your time and be cautious as you walk this road to holy matrimony.