Your phone rings and you recognize the number right away. It’s your ex boyfriend, Bradford. You and Bradford had a pretty rough breakup and you have just recently begun to see life in a beautiful new way. Your mind tells you not to answer; so, you don’t. Good for you.
What in the world could this guy want? Didn’t he make it perfectly clear that you all were history and that he had found someone new with whom he wanted to live out the rest of his days. You remember the conversation just like it was yesterday and it messed you up pretty good. And, for one single moment you allow yourself to go there – into your memory bank of you and Bradford and how you thought the world couldn’t be more perfect. Bradford was clever and seemed to know what to say and when to say it. In your mind, he was the perfect guy. May I kindly throw in a warning – “Don’t go there!!” “Stop!!” “Wake up!”
I know that being in a drought for a while can cause the worst men or women in life to take on the appearance of an angel. They are not. So, splash some cold water on your face or slap yourself, if necessary. But whatever you do, don’t allow those enhanced memories to override common sense causing you to discard all the rehab work you’ve done to get yourself back on the right track.
Why does this happen? Why do exes reappear just about the time you’re getting your act together or encountering someone who really matters? Why don’t they stay ghosts from the past and let you get on with your life?
One simple answer is that it would be too easy to just let you forget them. It would feel good to see if he or she still has an effect on someone they’ve known on a personal level. This just indicates the return to your life is about them and not about you. Considering that you were probably the glue for the relationship and a great person to hang out with and enjoy good times, the ex wants to know if he or she can regain their position in your life. All this outreach would be endearing if they hadn’t shown their true colors when they discarded you. Furthermore, if the ex didn’t recall certain attributes about you that were pretty awesome, they wouldn’t be calling in the first place. But, don’t confuse this with love.
So, as they say in the world of romance, “the ball is in your court.” What do you want to do with it? Hopefully, what you’re not going to do is allow this “comeback kid” to reenter your life. Don’t let people treat you any kind of way by rolling out the red carpet for these narcissistic, totally selfish individuals. You will definitely be sending the wrong memo. Aren’t you better than this? You bet you are.
Any time a man or woman provides a reason for why they must leave you, believe them and close that chapter of your life (a process). If their new love fails to launch several weeks or months later, that’s not your problem. Don’t go running back like you’ve won some type of prize. As they say “your bad.” Get to stepping and don’t let the door knob hit you where the good Lord split you. Yes, you’ve got to be tough and shut down this raggedy behavior. It’s raggedy because there was little regard for you as a person with a heart. Love is action, not a bunch of flowery words. So, don’t let romantic music and movies get you off track as you shut down any possible rationale for a reconciliation. You will regret looking back.
In closing, I recall a sermon where the pastor said, “There is nothing or no one who has left you that you need for your journey. They left because they had to. They really never fit into where you are going. Let them walk.” Let them go or risk getting in your own way for the better things to come. That’s powerful.
Maybe your better person won’t come quickly, but he or she will come. Therefore, discard your wishy-washy exes with their stale lies and games. Who has time for this? Remember, your ex should have an “X” written over their name to remind you that this person is a part of your past. While you’re at it, go ahead and block that number so that you will not have to listen to that tired conversation you are bound to hear.
See you, ex!!