Why did you get married? Did you meet someone who complimented where you were going in life? Did you two make promises as kids that you would marry when you grew up? Or did you feel that unless you were wedded to someone, your life would be meaningless? Finally, did you marry because you were in love? These are just some of the reasons people get married In much the same way, spoken or unspoken, couples view their unions in different ways.
Now, this is not an article about bucking against those who decided to take the plunge. But it’s a curiosity piece about why you took that big step. You see, many agendas have been established under the umbrella of marriage. People may think that they are witnessing another beautiful couple dedicated to the sanctity of marriage. Unknown to most, these two people are married to establish wealth, fame, prestige and other outside validations of success. You may never hear the word “love” in this union, but there is an understanding that exists which will keep them together. They assessed each other during the dating period and calculated the possibilities. Does that feel good for you? If so, this type of marriage can work. Your marriage interpretation will be what you want it to be.
Ironically, there is a loud horn blowing out there that’s echoing ” you’re not anybody unless you’re married.” Wow. That leaves a lot of men and women reduced to a most pitiful state. But, of course, this is faulty thinking at its best. When did the definition of being married become “a good sign of success?” You can, however, say that you have been successfully married after 20 plus years with the same person, in most cases. We know that there were challenges along the way, but the beauty of the matter is you stayed.
Back to the faulty premise above, who would you say has the bigger problem – 1) the person who is not married, but is functioning well even while they remain hopeful about marriage; or 2) the person who can only find his or her identity, happiness and fulfillment being tied to someone else?
The late Myles Munroe shared a wonderful message about what a truly healthy marriage looks like. He stated that unless two whole people who are operating in their singleness of purpose join together in marriage, there will be many problems. Further, he stated, “Whole people marry for reasons other than need. If you need to be married, then you are not ready for marriage.” Needy, clingy people will suffocate their spouses in search of an identity or validation. Your identity must come independent of anyone other than God. Otherwise, you are just another codependent, relationship addicted person.
So, reflecting on why you got married, hopefully, it was for a very good reason and from a very healthy place. Your wife or husband should not be a “trophy” for the world to see that you are capable of being married. At the end of the day, what does that really mean? The quality of marriage will always supersede the act itself. When two whole people with love and mutual respect for each other come together, the sky is the limit.