Don’t Settle

When you go to the pet store to buy a dog, you cannot pretend it’s a kitten when you get it home, right? It is exactly what it is – a dog. If it looks like a duck and walks like a duck, then, it must be a duck, right? Then, why is it that when we meet a new love interest ever so briefly we begin to imagine how a few changes could make a difference. If the person could get a tummy tuck here, an eyebrow lift there, an few grammar classes and Kazaam – we’ve created the person of our dreams. No, no, no, no, no! This is a horrible beginning for a lifetime of love.

Isn’t true love about acceptance? When the person in question is someone you’ve taken time to develop a deep and meaningful relationship with, is changing aspects of this person necessary in any form? After all, no one is perfect. Not even you. Think about it. Would you appreciate someone laying out a laundry list of things you need to change to become their significant other? No one should tolerate such behavior. It speaks volumes to the arrogance and insensitivity of the person requesting such changes.

Then, we have the media constantly reminding us that botox, boob jobs, hair implants, and an array of other cosmetic techniques will take us to the next layer of fabulousness. But, we have to hold a personal standard for where we draw the line with altering our bodies. More importantly, we cannot let some new love interest direct our program.

There are movie stars who have very obvious facial trademarks which they decided they could live with many years ago. They are not remotely worried about what others think about their appearance. I love that kind of self confidence because it says “I’m good with the skin I’m in. I love every part of me.” Yehhh!!! That’s how we must feel about the attributes we’ve been given.

On the other hand, if you want to alter certain parts of your body for your personal satisfaction or someone you love, that’s fine, too, as long as it’s not a qualification for being part of a couple. Whatever you do, make sure you let a certified professional provide these procedures. We’ve seen enough horror stories where innocent people used “back door” services to achieve fuller butts and lips. The results were not pretty.

So, getting back to our topic, it’s much better to leave a person as you found them if you cannot accept what you see and hear. Trying to change anyone speaks to serious control issues. If a person has not asked to you to change them, why would you assume this task? Are you trying to create your perfect ending?

In conclusion, your frog will not turn into a prince. When you met him he was a frog and that’s just what it is. Love all of his “frogness” since this is who you chose. Otherwise, walk away. And, when your homely new lady fails to turn into Cinderella at midnight, work with it. After all, Cinderella was a fairy-tale. This woman is a real, flesh and blood individual. Don’t linger if it’s not working for you.

When it’s all said and done, avoid trying to change people who are not what you’re looking for. Keep looking until you find the person who not only measures up physically, but who also stimulates you mentally with their vision and clear defined goals for their future. It will save you a lot of headache and heartache down the road. Settling has always been a bad idea. So, don’t do it!



4 thoughts on “Don’t Settle

  1. I can so relate to this struggle of making a frog into a prince right off the bat of meeting guys. Boy, have I been wrong! I’m learning it’s really going to take time & God to guide the right man or men to me. There’s a lot of guys I’ve met online that just aren’t for me 🤷🏻‍♀️ I’m trying not to lose hope. Thank you for this read! It was a good reminder of what not to do & what not to expect out of guys before knowing them awhileee.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Ohhh, I enjoyed reading this post so much!!!
    It reminded me of the song by Aretha Franklin “Mr. Ugly”

    “Haunt my house Mr. Ugly
    I know how beautiful you are
    When you hold me tight
    Rainbow spill the night
    Tell me, are you my lucky star?
    Play your guitar, my Mr. Ugly
    Your melodies are so divine
    Winter is spring to me
    When you sing to me
    You serenade this heart of mine”

    I would like to say I am a woman that meets a person where they are at, but I have been guilty of trying to change personality traits of some of my ex’s; I’m sure that’s why they are ex’s.

    As I have matured (some), I have learned that what I had considered “ugly” (the things that I didn’t necessarily like about them) were appealing to other people about that person -like my friends, my mom, my cousins- as a mate for me.

    So as you said, “it’s much better to leave a person as you found them if you cannot accept what you see and hear,” because to others, “they know how beautiful they are.”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks for such an introspective post. I really enjoyed your response. I think the world at large could learn to let people be themselves. It’s the best thing we can do for another human being. Take care


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