Waiting for a Commitment

There is this thing called self-esteem. It basically asserts that you will, more often than not, do those things that best represent and demonstrate who you are at your core. It essentially tells the world that you don’t have time to be neglected or overlooked by others or yourself in any area of your life. You have a serious love affair with you.

So, how is it that you can meet or be involved for many years with a person who is attractive or not, successful, and available, but shows no interest in taking your relationship to the next level? If this person has eight out of ten of your must haves, you might get it twisted that you have found the one. In your mind you may say “it’s just a matter of time.” Well, how much time is too much time to be waiting for the words you need to hear?

At best, this is truly an individual matter. What’s good for one couple may not be so good for another one. One or both parties may use excuses like solidifying careers first, or getting some of their debt cleared up before getting too serious. However, these are merely deterrents for moving forward. Why can’t you reach your career goals or pay your debts while in a committed relationship? You wouldn’t be the first couple to do that.

So, the real questions come down to who is truly avoiding the commitment in this relationship and how long will the person who wants a commitment wait? If the person you love is not quite aligned with your vision for your future, summon all your self esteem and walk after a reasonable time. He or she is not a bad person, just not right for you. You have to show the person better than you can tell them that you are not the one for this relationship.

I say this more for women than men because we are notorious for hanging on. You see, men are hunters and they are seeking challenging prey worthy of their time. This means a woman who is not on the “yes” wagon has a much better chance of holding the attention of the man than “yes” women. You’ve got to have some standards and more than anything, be consistent with those standards because men also have no problem accepting your “trinkets” of affection without committing.

So, how long are you willing to wait, ladies. Paraphrasing the words of that infamous idiom, is it really necessary to buy the cow when you can have all the benefits that cow provides without paying a nickel? We’ve got to embrace this question no matter how much it hurts.

In our so called modern day thinking, everything really gravitates back to what is old, established and traditional. There are not too many ways that a man can convey his love for a woman than to make her his wife. It shows tremendous honor and bestows the very best upon her. There are the non-traditionalists who say that they do not need marriage to be confirmed as number one in their man’s or woman’s life. Marriage is just a piece of paper. Maybe. Maybe not.

The downside of this type of arrangement is that the man and woman are still outside of a real commitment and covenant as ordained by God. Is this more about fear, convenience or both? In truth, a real man wants the world to know symbolically with rings, witnesses, and his beautiful bride that he is married and committed to someone he loves always and forever. Yeah, it might sound corny, but there are people who are proving that this works very well, thank you.

Now, at the end of the day, isn’t that what you really want?



4 thoughts on “Waiting for a Commitment

  1. OHHHHH BOY!!!

    Thank you for speaking on this topic! I think you are ABSOLUTELY correct, it all boils down to what the woman (or man) is willing to accept and not accept which ultimately ties back to how they value themselves. “He’s a good man, Savannah, a good man!” (mom’s phone speech to Savannah regarding her on again off again relationship with her MARRIED ‘boyfriend’ – Waiting to Exhale). In the past when I have met someone I have had that line playing in the back of my head “he’s a good man!” and because I “value” myself I’m like well I deserve to be with that “good man.”

    Not to take away from the man I’ve dated, I have dated some good men- sure, but obviously it didn’t align to what I was seeking or required because here I sit, single (most of the time happily, other times not so much!) I’ve always tired to myself to not being too selective because what if my “must haves” are the deterrent to the ONE specifically designed for me? I don’t know I do have some old fashioned values in a lot of ways, I prefer to be perused, I prefer for effort to be shown – “I’m going to pick you up at 6PM be ready,” I prefer the communication for no reason at all but “just to hear your voice,” I don’t know if ALL those qualities exist in 1 man…do I need to revise my “must haves” list and lower my standards to close the gap on possibly finding the one?

    Uggghhh it can all be so overwhelming and frustrating. I think I’m going to stick to finding out who I am and committing to myself 1st and then maybe he will come. The little girl in me still believes the advice, “he comes when you least expect it!” I just pray I won’t have one leg in the grave and grave out when it he does present himself.

    As always thank you for your words, advice, and perspective!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Loyo08, thanks for sharing your heart. I can feel your journey in your post. I only ask one thing as an older person – walk out your destination and don’t get off course. Sometimes, we are right in the zone of a blessing and the enemy will intervene and get you off the path. Stay firm to your beliefs and even if you only get 10 years with the love of your life, no matter what age you are, it will be better than spending many years with the wrong person. Best to you!


  2. Awesome Topic Jvenable18. This topic has so many layers to it. I think you cover so much and the reply from Lyounger08 was right on point as well. One of the greatest points I got from this post was when you tried a romantic relationship your way with limit to no success , why not try it God’s Way. Also I feel an intellectual approach should be taking when the initial courtship begins. .Listening and watching a person actions more to see if that person even deserves to be in your space or vice versa. Also being about you purpose is very important to achieve your goals. The problem seems to be bridging your purpose , passion ,and hustle with the needs of someone else on a romantic level. Too open your heart and give your time to someone who doesn’t enrich your life ( basically waste your time) can leave you bitter/confused on this thing we call love. With Mental Health Issues , Business Transactions Relationships ( The Upper Mobilities of life ( money , power, and prestige) , and What’s Trendy in the dating world ( Open Dating Arrangements and Marriages), seems to be catalyst for committed relationships not happening . Committing to a relationship seems like a gumbo of controlled emotions , main ingredients being trust and inclusion. Trusting someone to do you right and openly excepting them into your life can be difficult. The Stakes are High , especially with the Divorce Rate being at an all-time high. The fear of the unknown (especially for a (good) men/my opinion) can continue to blur the lines on whether people(good men/my opinion) can or want to commit . Or do they want to play games with each other ( wayward men/ good women) when it comes to romantic relationships. The most important part to take from this great post is This Cycle of Love can be difficult. Especially if God is not at the head of the Union.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wow. Talk about your power-packed response. You’ve hit so many high notes here. I only pray that those visiting the site will chime in. The dating scene is in trouble for sure. Too many are trying to do things their way with dismal results. It’s time for everyone to go to the manufacturer of relationships – God. Thanks so much for your feedback.


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