I can already hear it: “Please don’t go there, Judy! Everybody’s having sex.”
I realize that some of you may think that’s true, but there are a few individuals who are saying “no” to premarital sex. Even though being abstinent in today’s world is akin to being an alien or odd ball, those who take this path should be commended for walking out their truth and going against the status quo. They are our “sheroes and heroes” in a world of moral decay.
First of all, what is abstinence? Basically it is a conscious decision to avoid all forms of sexual activity for any reason, often temporary or for a certain period of time like until you are married. Abstinence, unlike celibacy which is a voluntary decision to remain unmarried or engaged in any form of sexual activity in order to fulfill a religious vow, can be a commitment that you make after many failed sexual relationships. You’re simply saying, “I’ve had enough of doing things this way.”
When you take a stand against abusing this sacred act, life can improve immediately. Somehow, the power of sex has been watered down in our society because it has been so perverted and misused. Sex is as much a spiritual experience as it is pleasurable. Unfortunately, premarital sexual bonding can take on many forms including sexual abuse, negative soul ties, and other toxic relationships. That’s why it’s imperative that we return to purer methods of relationship building like developing a friendship and getting to know one another outside the bedroom.
Abstaining from anything has tremendous mind-clarifying properties very much like fasting. When someone abstains from alcohol, their mental state becomes clearer, weight loss can occur and the outlook on life is drastically improved. When someone abstains from junk food and/or over eating, their mental state improves and weight loss generally kicks in at some point. The same applies to sex.
Sex often acts as a drug which can drastically alter good judgment. Once a man or woman prematurely indulges in sex, the real essence of that relationship is lost. Whatever he or she may have come to know about the other person’s visions, goals and dreams goes out the window mainly because sex was offered way too soon.
Sex is the dessert, not the entree for a “covenant relationship.” All other sex is risky and outside Godly principles. As a child, you may recall that eating sweets before the main course often spoiled your appetite. This same principle applies to having sex before marriage. If you’ve already “hung from the chandeliers” in the bedroom prior to marriage, what surprises are left for the wedding night? Just something to think about.
Further confusing matters, women and men must understand that when they don’t take time to know the person who has captured their interest over a reasonable period of time versus a quick scan (a week or two), they are subjected to pretty much anything. The object of their affection has not been tested nor has there been time to properly investigate and glean viable information for moving forward. Least of all is this the time to be sharing your body as if you have established a real relationship. Should you decide to cross the line and this turns out to be a dud, now you’ve got to find another person and go through this process again, and again, and again, or not.
STOP! At some point, you’ve go to rewrite the script, change the methodology, seek help or whatever else you must do to change these defeating habits. Otherwise, the results will always be same. Many relationships’ entire premise is based on sex that occurred at “hello.” The parties may not really be that interested in each other after a while, but feel stuck in a web that entangled them as a result of having premarital sex.
Now, you may want to know what proof is available to support that premarital sex isn’t working? Well, start by reading articles in popular magazines, scan relationship shelves at your bookstores or online, read blogs/social media groups’ discussion boards, watch entertainment shows like TMZ and Entertainment Tonight, and please don’t forget to ask some singles in your family and on your job who don’t mind sharing the truth. More importantly, look at divorce statistics that mirror some of this issue as well. Getting “booed up” too soon and for all the wrong reasons are recipes for disaster.
So, what are some advantages of abstinence when seeking a life long relationship?
- You take the time to develop a better relationship with yourself and God. Many people try to maneuver relationships on their own. We cannot possibly know all that we need to know. Therefore, having God in our lives is like having our very best Friend, Father and Confidante walk and talk with us about matters of the heart.
- You get an opportunity to gather substantial data about your mate – Take time to learn as much about this person as you can to see if there is potential here. By leaving out sex, the journey stays simple, and much less complicated.
- You work on building your communication skills – People often pair up only to find that they have nothing in common and very little to say to each other outside the bedroom. Abstinence is a good way to have direct, focused communication with discernment and clarity of thought. It’s much more difficult to focus after bonding sexually.
- You position yourself for a beautiful wedding night – Abstaining from sex until marriage allows you to take an element of excitement into the wedding night because you haven’t “opened” your gift yet. The naysayers may say “Aren’t you going to test drive that car first?” To that the abstainers say, “get a life.”
This is not an all inclusive list of the many blessings that can be derived from waiting for marriage before having your next sexual encounter. Beyond gaining a mate who will love you to life, there will also be less ghosts and baggage in your memory bank. Today is the first day of your new and improved dating life! Cheers!!!
For those who have been tossed to and fro in the dating world, take time to evaluate abstinence as a solution for a more gratifying, intimate relationship. Don’t knock it until you try it. Put to the test, we might see a 360 degree turnaround in marriages just exercising this one principle.